salam and selamat pagi....
sebelum memulakan entry ni, aku nk ucapkan TAHNIAH kepada skuad Ong Kim Swee krn telah mengekalkan pingat emas SUKAN SEA 2011di Jakarta..krn penangan bola sepak final,aku dgr tv sementara kawan aku menonton tv.....puas kitaorg menjerit mcm org gile kt umah aku semlm...mujur kt umah leh jgk tgk bola sambil berbaring2....
dah lari topik pulak...aku bkn nk cite psl bola...tp aku nk cite ttg lelaki....perihal ttg perangai lelaki yang kita sayangi...mana tau klu tetiba kite menghadapi mslh mcm ni blh lh ini dijadikan panduan untuk menyelesaikan mslh.....semlm mase kt opis,aku bukak laman web kegemaran aku......iaitu.http://www.havetherelationshipyouwant.com laman web sgt berkesan kpd sesape yg pernah,sedang dan mungkin akan melalui fasa2 bila mana si dia tetiba menghadirkan mslh dlm hubungan korang..tp info ni aku tulis bkn sbb aku ngah alami keadaan ni pd mse skrg....aku cuma nk memberi info....dulu pun aku prnh hadapi mslh ni..tp sbb laman web ni aku lmbt jmpe so tk ade lh jln penyelesaian utk aku......tk pe lah aku cume tulis jek entry ni....citenye ttg apabila si dia tetiba menjauhkan diri...aku mls nk terjemahkan ayat2 mrs rori raye...so aku copy keseluruhannya dlm blog aku ni...
Hi Siti zuraida bt rajab, if your heart is locked into a man who is so inconsistent that you don't even know what he feels for you - and you're not sure which way to turn or what to do - my Modern Siren program will help boost your self-esteem and make you so attractive that you'll never feel insecure like this again.
In Modern Siren, I show you how to get out of that "needy" vibe we always fall into in a situation like this. Instead, you'll learn how to express yourself and your feelings so he'll AUTOMATICALLY feel more attracted to you, actually compelled to be with you.
And then I'll show you how to talk with him and BE with him when he DOES show up, so you can bring him closer. It's all in my Modern Siren program:
Dear Siti zuraida bt rajab,
If you've ever given your heart to a man who treated you like a queen for the first few months and then all of a sudden pulled away, I know how you feel.
I remember spending so much time and energy beating myself up over what I IMAGINED I'd done "wrong" to push him away, or what I was "lacking" that wasn't keeping him at my side. As a result, my self-esteem and confidence faded, making me feel more needy than ever.
And we all know what happens when we start feeling "needy."
That "needy" feeling inside makes us feel helpless and powerless, and then ANYTHING we do or say (no matter how much in control of ourselves we TRY to be) just radiates that needy, desperate vibe.
And then that needy, desperate vibe just pushes him away even more.
It's like we spiral downward, get caught in quicksand, find ourselves in an endless loop, and we can't figure out how to pull ourselves out.
Here's a letter from Diana, who's caught in that endless, mucky, quicksand downward spiral:
"Dear Rori, I feel really confused about where I am at. I started seeing this guy I was fixed up with from a friend I play tennis with. She originally told me: He's a lot of fun but don't get serious because he's never going to commit to anyone. He's too damaged from his marriage because his wife cheated on him.
I met him and we immediately clicked. No effort and he does everything that you want a man to do. He even says, it's all about you. He says, men just don't get it. If you pay attention to her, then it pays off for you. He was attentive, rowed the boat, did things for me, always complimented me and he was the first man in my life (I'm 52) that I ever felt I could trust with my heart.
But by three months instead of going forward, I could feel him backing away. He never let me meet his son who is 14 or would even contact me when he was with his son. I never met his family, friends. We talked about all of that and about the "future" but it didn't happen. I could feel him pulling away.
I got scared and called him when he didn't call me (the first time he did that), and told him I felt something was wrong. He got angry and said we were two different people and that I deserved someone who would dedicate time to the relationship.
I really felt that I was in his heart and that we would be able to talk about it. He put me off for a week, and when I saw him it didn't matter what I said. He said he "would not let his heart override his brain." He was "not going to be a casualty again." Said he was a brain person and I was a heart person and it just didn't feel right and that he was making the decision to end the relationship.
He did mention that we could be friends, and I told him I could not do that. I texted him after a week and said I really wanted to talk. After three weeks, I e-mailed him about my computer that he fixed and still needed more, suggested to drop it off.
He e-mails back and says he can come over to fix it. He came over the night before Valentine's Day. I sat quiet, leaned back and said nothing for an hour and a half and then he started talking - telling me about everything that had happened since I had seen him.
I told him I would like to tell him how I felt about what had happened. We sat down. He said he was confused. I talked about my feelings only, and by the time he left he was holding me, kissing me and talking about making plans to get together.
I got a text for Valentine's Day and then promptly never heard from him for 11 days. Then I got an e-mail with a video with a comedian about men's brains, women's brains. He wrote it would explain a lot and how was I doing. I waited three days and just sent an e-mail back saying thanks for the video it made me laugh. He sent one back saying he thought I would like it.
My question is, I know this is a man who can dance. If I lean back, he comes forward. As a matter of fact, while we were dating, he stated to me one time I just want to please you. I know he understands relationships.
I feel like I came across too needy and that I drove him away. I feel it was real for me and can't get him out of my heart. But I don't want to misread what is really in front of me. I know I can't contact him. I feel confused if he is just keeping in touch because, like you said, he didn't want to hurt me and wants to keep me as a friend.
Or does this mean that he is trying to come back. I feel really hurt right now and it's like every time I have contact with him I start all over again hurting and feeling the loss. I don't know if I should just e-mail back and not show him or let him know what I am feeling or I should tell him that I don't want to continue on this way because it is too hurtful for me.
He does not make any attempts to call, text or see me. I don't know what is the right thing or the best thing for me to do. Is this the type of situation where even though it felt real it was just imaginary and that's all I had? The thought of severing this is scary because what I want is for him to come back - or am I just accepting crumbs and putting myself in an even more needy place?
I feel really lost about what I really had. I also feel I do not explain myself well and am really sorry if I gave too much detail or not enough. I feel it would really help my heart if I knew what direction to go in so I can move on with my life, either way. Thanks, Diana"
***Here was my answer to her, and then we'll pick it apart and put some Tools to it:
Dear Diana, This is Rori. Thank you for your letter, I wanted to answer you personally.
I know how painful and confusing this is, and how hard it is to "move on," and I want to help you with that.
First, remember what your friend told you when she fixed you up? She was right.
This man can't - or won't - go the distance.
During this time, sounds like you were EXCLUSIVE with him - am I right?
THAT'S where you need to make changes in your methods here.
Your heart got all involved way too soon with him, and your insecurity and neediness kicked in. If you can date a bunch of men all at the same time, REALLY fill your life with MEANINGFUL things, do the inner work, and take the Diva Creed from my Targeting Mr. Right program to heart, you'll beef yourself up on the inside and feel MUCH better and more empowered with a man like this.
He clearly enjoys your company, but he's not breaking down your door - and yet he won't leave you alone (the funny email, the Valentine's text).
He keeps your hope alive, even though he says, with words, and by not calling, that he's ending the relationship.
I've been through this back-and-forth-drawing things-out that so many men do. I suffered through it so many times in my life, and I don't want you to have to do it ever again with this man or any other.
So, do this for me, please - get out there and flirt.
I know this can be tricky to do, especially when you've already invested your heart in one man like you have. That’s why I created my Targeting Mr. Right Program - to show you how to do it, step by step.
Order my Targeting Mr. Right program and just listen and watch it over and over and over again, until all the Tools become a part of your daily life. Watch testimonials from real women who are doing it here:
Right now it's clear to you, me and him, that you WANT him, and that you're suffering.
All men find this off-putting, and there's no way for you to prevent FEELING like that if you FEEL powerless. Targeting Mr. Right will show you how to regain your power so you are adored by the man in your life in the way you deserve.
Love, Rori
***Okay, now let's go further.
Did you notice how low Diana's self-esteem is, even in writing to me?
How she apologized for not expressing herself, and how she felt bad because she felt confused?
Did you notice how there was absolutely NO ANGER in her letter?
As though she blamed herself for everything, even for becoming needy and confused?
And how blaming herself dragged her down even further?
And how once you start dragging yourself down, it's just like you get caught in a downward slide that you can't stop?
If you've ever been there, you know how helpless it feels.
Let's start with the warning Diana's friend gave her - that this man was "wounded" because his wife cheated on him.
I know from my own and my clients' experiences that there is no THRILL like the possibility of landing an impossible-to-get man.
Some of us are as drawn to the "chase' as men are!
Diana has been actually, verbally warned, which comes off to most of us like a "challenge."
Then, Diana gets completely swept up by this man's charm, attention, affection, and by the chemistry they have with each other.
Here are some things to know about men:
3 months is the magic time frame.
Up until the 3-month-mark, a man is on his best behavior (or SHOULD be) - he's swept up in the chemistry just like we are, he's infatuated perhaps, and he LOVES the ATTENTION a warm, loving, nice, attentive woman like us gives him.
He likes the way it feels, and it keeps him there for that 3 months.
And then - everything gets REAL.
All of a sudden he NOTICES that you're a real person!
He notices that you have real feelings.
He notices that he's been leading this relationship along, and now there are some EXPECTATIONS.
He notices that you're not as "free-and-easy as you were at the beginning, and that you're starting to "act" like you're in a "relationship" that might - heaven-forbid - be SERIOUS.
All of a sudden it hits him.
And that's when he has to make some kind of decision.
His decision is - does he keep going, and take up more and more of your time and put you off more and more, or perhaps even get more deeply involved himself where he'd have to DO something?
Like MARRY you, or get a home with you, or something pretty official.
Now, what pushes a man over the edge, into wanting a lifelong commitment with YOU, can be complex.
Part of it is who HE is - whether he's mature enough, actually WANTS a lifelong relationship, is even CAPABLE of having a lifelong relationship.
And part of it is who YOU are - if you're the right FIT for him, if he can't imagine ever being without you, and so he feels compelled and inspired to COMMIT to you FOREVER - or if he just enjoys your company and your body for the NOW.
What happens so often around this 3-4 month period is we get scared.
We get scared because HE got scared.
Perhaps he backed off a little, he wasn't sure (remember - at this point he's considering a LIFELING commitment, so it's not a quick, easy thing for him - he DOES have to think about it), and we panicked.
Sometimes it's our panic that pushes him away instead of drawing him close - for Diana it might be the "neediness" that came on so strong and wouldn't leave her.
And sometimes it's just HIM.
He just CAN'T.
He just can't imagine, at this time in his life, making that kind of commitment to ANY woman.
So, how could Diana have known?
The "not meeting" his 14 year old son was a BIG clue.
All the gobble-de-gook this man was feeding Diana - the "we're different people" lines and talking about his "woundedness" - was just a lame attempt to leave the relationship as nicely as possible.
And here's the second thing you need to know about this man: Diana bought the whole "he's wounded because his wife cheated on him" line.
When the absolute, total truth is - he's ATTRACTED to women who CHEAT!!!!
Yep.
Diana was just too nice, too "there," too dependable, too loving, too easy.
No matter WHAT Diana had done - no matter how many "hard-to-get" games she would have played, no matter how far she tried to back up, no matter what - he KNEW she would never cheat on him.
And THAT was what was "wrong" with her!
Maddening, isn't it?
Totally crazy-making.
Here we are - really great women, thinking we'll be the one "good woman" to turn around a "wounded" and "untrusting" man - and what we find out is what he really WANTS is a woman he CAN'T trust!
Of course, he doesn't know this about himself.
So many of us THRIVE when we're kept off balance.
We mistake the "degree of difficulty" a man has for his "worth."
And guess what - men do exactly the same thing!
This man had married his first wife believing that a woman who was NOT true blue, a woman who was "difficult" to pin down, a woman who was "disloyal" was somehow "expensive" and worthwhile.
The reality that it hurt him horribly doesn't even matter to him.
A man who values "degree of difficulty" in a woman over how GOOD things FEEL to him will ALWAYS choose a woman who keeps him off-balance.
And we women who value "degree of difficulty" in a man will always choose a man who keeps us off balance.
Those first 3 months when a man is on his best behavior don't count.
Because a man who values "degree of difficulty" ALWAYS works HARD to GET a woman he thinks is "hard to get."
And this kind of man will NEVER choose a woman who is clearly "ALL HIS."
Now isn't this just totally unfair?
And to make it even more unfair - why would any one of us fabulous woman even WANT a man who doesn't want a woman who's "all his"?
I mean, if what we really want is a close, intimate, deep, forever kind of love and relationship, who would want a man with those kind of "issues"?
But Diana still not only clearly wants this man, she believes he CAN do the relationship dance.
To make this "degree of difficulty" thing even clearer - take a look at what Diana says about this man:
Isn't she doing the same thing?
We know that she was feeling an intense connection with this man, especially because he was treating her so wonderfully at the beginning, but we also know that she continues to feel this intense connection, to the point of dragging HERSELF downhill by chasing after him, thinking about him, strategizing about him, trying to figure him out - essentially valuing his "degree of difficulty" more than she values how she FEELS right now.
Because, truly, she is being ignored, set aside, played with, teased and treated simply as a "friend" he sends funny emails to.
This is PAINFUL.
So, what is Diana doing even THINKING about this man?
Diana is doing what we all do when a man pulls us into an Imaginary Relationship and somehow convinces us that he means it for real.
We look at him - a man with a high degree of difficulty - and ELEVATE his status in OUR eyes, and then at the same time we DOWNGRADE ourselves in our OWN hearts.
So let's reverse that.
If a man doesn't call, if he doesn't step up, if he doesn't do what he's SUPPOSED to do - and this man listed for Diana all the wonderful things he KNEW to do for a woman, so there was no denying he understood what he was supposed to do - then RAISE YOUR degree of difficulty, raise YOUR status in YOUR OWN eyes, and downgrade HIM.
When you Circular Date, as outlined step by step in Targeting Mr. Right, you INSTANTLY raise your degree of difficulty.
When you refuse to be "exclusive" or be a girlfriend to a man who hasn't committed himself to you fully, you are raising your degree of difficulty.
To learn how Circular Dating can instantly raise your degree of difficulty so that HE’S the one trying to pin YOU down, read about my Targeting Mr. Right program right here:
We are women. We are amazing creatures, and almost all men feel that way.
WE are the highest degree of difficulty triple-flip off the diving platform.
WE are the prize, the light at the end of a man's dark tunnel.
WE are what he wants.
And if he doesn't CONTINUE, after the 3 months have passed, to look at you as the prize, the light and the gold medal, then he doesn't deserve your thoughts, your feelings, your energy, or your loyalty.
If you'd like some powerful help to feel stronger and be able to TALK with a man - in any situation - so that he can not only HEAR you, but be more attracted to you than ever, you can take a look at all my programs and try out the one that feels most right for your situation.
If you feel you need the most help with your self-esteem, try my Heart Connection Toolkit audio program.
If you want to know how to be an irresistible, magnetic woman by tapping into your powerful feminine energy, try Modern Siren.
I have a program for any sort of problem or issue in your love life. Just follow this link:
Let me know how you feel about all this. I'm here to keep you strong for yourself and for the man who can truly appreciate you.
Love, Rori
aku harap nota kt atas leh membantu korang dlm apa jua keadaan yg berlaku....aku tk nk kengkawan aku jd mcm aku...
nota:thanks to u rori...
2 comments:
aduhai..nk bc tapi tulis omputih plak..pjg pulak tue..nak kena bukak kamus ler..
umumnye cite dlm ni ttg cara nk tackle kembali lelaki yg tetiba mendiamkan diri....
Post a Comment